THE NEW PARKWAY THEATER is a community-centered cinema and pub located in Oakland’s Uptown district. Sit back and relax in our cozy couches while watching our new releases, cult classics, and fabulous special programming. Plus, enjoy yummy food and local beer and wine in our café or even delivered right to your theater seat all at affordable prices! Here’s what’s playing in your second living room (your air-conditioned living room, that is):
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Once a millenium, something emerges from the darkest corner of the universe and enlightens us to the true meaning of being. Something so mystickal, so magickal, and so mind-splitting that all concepts before its existence sounds stupid and boring. Of course, we are talking about Everything Is Terrible! The Legends show is a culmination of the first seven (of 777) years of work from the video alchemists at EIT! These mindfreaks have taken thousands of forgotten VHS tapes, chewed them up, and spit them back to their young via daily website postings, six movies, and world tours. In that time, they've exposed us to wonders such as massaging cat ladies, apocalyptic facial exercises, pizzas parties in hell, and our immortal party-god, Duane. Nobody could have predicted the cultural, psychological, and illuminating impact EIT! would have on our consciousness, but seeing all their greatest works chronicled in one place reminds us that in the right hands, garbage can be turned into gold! It is time pack up your copies of Jerry Maguire and accept the fact that your life up until this moment has been pointless.